Boogers, spit up and poop - oh my

Someone said to me a few weeks ago, "don't be one of 'those moms' who post things on facebook about their kids poop"
Well, I've done one better, I'm blogging about it!
 
Oh well.

Before I had Brody, I couldn't handle the sight of boogers. Mine were the only ones that didn't make me gag.

 

Have you ever seen a mom take her bare fingers and grab her child's snot right off of his face?

Aw, what a good mom. How sweet. That's dedication....
No, that's DISGUSTING!!!

Dont do that!!!

 

That's what I use to think anyway. The first time Brody had a huge booger (didnt know 3 week olds could have such big boogs!) I tried to suck it out with that booger sucker thing. It was working! Score!!

 

Then, it got to the edge of the inside of his nose (tmi yet? Then I suggest you quit reading now) and wouldn't come out any further with just the sucker (stupid piece of junk!) So, I just went for it!!

I GRABBED IT WITH MY BARE FINGERS!!!

I felt that I had "arrived" as a mom.

 

Normally I love putting pictures on my posts as a visual to what I'm talking about, but in this case, I'll spare you and just post cute pics of Brody.

 

 

You're welcome.

 

Next, there is the issue of spit up. I have a "spit up baby"

Have you heard of those? I had heard stories of such babies, but never experienced one for myself.

 

I have now experienced such a baby.

 

This kid will eat 4 ounces and spit up what looks like 5.

That's impossible!!!

But he does it.

 

I feel so blessed, because it could be worse.

It doesn't seem to bother him. He doesn't have colic or gas issues that cause him to cry inconsolably.

He's gaining weight.

 

So, I do laundry and try not to complain.

Lots and lots of laundry.

 

 

 

And finally, as requested by The Best, 
The Poop Story.

 

I think every mom probably has one of these. Its a right of passage or something.

 

I was across town (far from home) at Savers, and while in the book section, my son started to grunt...loudly! Anyone within 15 feet of us could hear him and there is no mistaking what he's doing. I smile awkwardly as the two people standing within earshot try to avoid eye contact with me and pretend they don't hear my little tiny baby making a really big poo.

 

I still needed to go to Walmart, so I decided to change his diaper in the dressing room.

I went to pull him out of his stroller and as I did, I felt something soggy on my fingers.

I look at his back and you guessed it!

Poop everywhere!

 

It was up his back, in the car seat, all over my fingers...everywhere.

Well, good thing I have a nifty diaper bag full of things to handle a situation like this...

 

I start to undress him, only to find that the outfit I chose for him that morning had to go over his head...which meant all the poo that was on the bottom of his onesie, ended up on the top of his head. I thought poop was everywhere before... nope, NOW its everywhere.

 

So I lay him down, grab the wipe box as I prepare to give us both a "bath" right there in the Savers dressing room. As I open the wipe box, I'm completely mortified as I realize... 

I forgot to refill it!!!!

I had 3 wipes, for a 20 wipe job.

 

 

This is when I started to panic.

 

I did my best. I get most of the poop off of his bum and his face, but with only 3 wipes, I had to improvise and use whatever I could find.

 (No, I didn't use any of the clothes from Savers...although I thought about it)

I used the outfit he had been wearing, but that was pretty much covered already.
I used his burp rag, his blanket...and as I discovered when I got home later that day, my jeans.

He was far from clean.

There was still poop in his hair, on top of his ears, all over my hands, the car seat...

Did I mention there was poop everywhere?

 

We still had to go to walmart.
 

However, it being walmart, I knew I wouldn't be judged =)

 

 

 

But seriously, with this smile, I'll pick his boogers, clean spit up off the couch and

he can poop on whatever he wants.

 

Kidding.

No he cant. That's gross.